Pickles Wrapped in Melted Cheese

Over the past few years, I have seen things that I did not want to see.  Things that I would have characterized as nightmares.  Today, these things still progress like a train wreck in slow motion.  Pickles wrapped in melted cheese is just a minor glitch on the radar.  I might have eaten it if it were prepared as  a dare.  Maybe.

As life progresses, I question my sanity.  Every day I question what I have done (did I do the right thing?  could I have been a better person?  is my mental state ok?).  These external circumstances have made me more alert to my mental state of mind.

These external circumstances have set a dark cloud over my thoughts.  To make the light shine through, I've been avoiding parts of my life.  Splitting my personality.  Different people see different sides.  I try to not mix the two worlds.  This barrier is set up for a reason.  For my sanity.  And I don't want other people's pity (everyone has bad things in their lives -- so it would probably pass as normal).

This dark cloud has gotten me interested in stories that emphasize interpersonal relationships (typically in darker scenarios).  Things happen.  Yes.  Good and bad.  In society, good arises from good relationships among people.  Could it be I wish to know the future?  Do I want to subconsciously desire a means to avoid the worst?  Or am I consoling myself by emphasizing that things could be worse?  Who knows.

I think that I need to change parts of my environment.  In some, there is no light at the end of the tunnel.  In lieu of light there are traps.  The train-wreck is in slow motion.  For years.  I can sense it.  I can hear it.  I could even taste it...